how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
