Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
