you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
