Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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