Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
