I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
