Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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