how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
