shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
