people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
