hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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