i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
