Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
