I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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