Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
