you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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