What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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