I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
