I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
