fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
