I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
