I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
