This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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