i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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