Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
