Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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