I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
