She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize