I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
