I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
