If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
