I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
