grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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