I want to have your abortion
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
