I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
should my penis look like a turkey
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
