I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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