I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
