Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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