Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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