Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
