Redeem this text for a blowjob
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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