physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
