We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
