i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
