My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
