U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
