Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
