My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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