New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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