Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
