It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
