will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
