I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
