dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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