Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
