i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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