): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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