3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
