i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
