he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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