dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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