did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
