It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
