remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize