I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
organizing the empties. That sober.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is the high leading the old right now
Can I color on your dick again?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize