I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
