We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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