Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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