I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
