No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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